Saturday, January 14, 2012

debby downer vs. a buttload of rainbows

Sometimes I don't understand Christians. There, I said it. I just don't get them. I mean, I love them, I am one, but I just don't get them. I don't understand the Christian mentality of this extreme emotional living. Why do we have to either be on the highest mountain top or about to jump off the nearest bridge? Where are the normal, everyday, mundane emotions that take up 80% of our day to day lives?

I was at a chapel service at my school this past week. It's the first one since the new year began and the girl running the show kept saying how 2012 was a year to have great hope and a time to look forward to better things. That 2011 and all the burdens that came with it, was over. Time to move on.

I kind of sat there wondering, "What about the people who had a great 2011? Or... an average 2011?" Why do we, as Christians, constantly feel this need to look to the future? We think that the future will be better and that God will have so much more in store for us later down the road. Why? What if the future brings horrible, terrible things? What's so wrong with the past, or even the present? 

I think there's so much beauty in the present moment. Even today. Today I did nothing but sleep in, play games with my hubby, laughed and studied. Not my most incredible, best day ever and not my worst. Just a normal, every day kind of day. I could look forward to tomorrow hoping that tomorrow will be even better then today. I could look at yesterday and compare what this day held that the other didn't. But why? Why lose the preciousness of today by comparing and hoping and never enjoying or doing? 

It seems like it has to be all or nothing. That we have to be extremely exuberant or ready to slit our wrists. Most days I feel... normal. But the beauty in even feeling normal and having an ordinary day, is that God is in those moments of the ordinary. He made those moments of the ordinary for people to relax in and enjoy without feeling like they're on a emotional roller coaster. Why is it so hard to enjoy that?

I find it hard to worship God when I'm brought into this mentality. I think it limits Him in a way that maybe isn't very obvious. It's like we're saying that God only means something when He's gotten us to the highest heights or is saving us from the darkest depths. For the majority of your life you will feel neutral. Where does God fit into that neutrality? I find it hard to sing songs to God with lyrics like this. I want to sing a song that describes that feeling of enjoying and loving God even in my so-so moments. That's real. That's reality. Or I'd rather sing songs that just repeat "Holy, holy, holy" over and over again. Words that have nothing to do with my emotions, my day, my life... but rather of who God is, what He's about and why I'm learning everyday to fall in love with Him.

Now that's something to sing about, something to look forward to. 

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