flip flops

I have a new found confession. the past little while i was digging myself a hole of denial but I've finally come to terms with my little secret and am ready to announce it to the world... I'm a flip flopper.

I didn't use to be. I used to be sure, confirmed and knowing where my life was headed. And then I left high school and didn't think all of my decisions through. Struggling to grasp at any straw that was still in sight and hoping that this would be the path that would lead me to eternal happiness. Each time I would be pumped at this discovery of figuring my life out and then half way through realized it wasn't initially what I thought it would be. Thus resulting in appearing as a flip flopper. a stereotype I've fought with all of my ability in the past two or so years but now I'm stuck at yet another cross roads. still trying to figure myself out, my life out, and still grasping at straws hoping to find something I'd love to pursue for the rest of my life and at the same time meet people's expectations of what it means to be successful.

but then I realized... I'm 20. yes, married and 20 but still... 20. why do I have to have everything figured out right now? other 20 year olds are working crappy jobs, living in little dumps and are trying to put the pieces of their life together too. so why do I have this vision of needing to have my entire life put together as soon as possible? i'm not sure. but i'm determined to shake the stress off and focus on enjoying life and going with the flow instead of trying to create a picture perfect masterpiece. 

it may be fall, but i'm going to enjoy my flip flop-ping... :D

grey's anatomy turned construction

The other night was a girls' night with my mother and sister in law. A typical girls' night with junk food, blankets while watching the season finale of grey's anatomy to prep us for the season premiere on Thursday... normal right? Totally. and then my brother-in-law gets home from work and begins to show us these manic videos on youtube where tons of people randomly freeze in these popular, people filled places. I should have known then that the rest of the night would ensue in complete hilarity. 

These videos apparently hyped up my mother-in-law as she scrambled to get her shoes on and tried to convince her two daughter-in-laws to walk down the street to see where her new house would be built. However, at the beginning of the night, she told us not to let her go down there because her husband had told her not to go so she wouldn't get stressed out... easy. Just walk her to her car and say goodnight - no mishaps then right? But you don't know my mother-in-law. 

Being the lovely and determined woman she is, she threw the comment, "I'll go with or without you" over her shoulder as she starts to walk down the sidewalk in the middle of the night. Erin and I looked at each other and shook our heads as we rushed to catch up with her. We get to the site, which is currently a construction site right now and we stand at the edge and peer into the dark, thinking that Chris will simply stand there in the light with us and talk about her house from there... no such luck. She's begins to walk further and further into the darkness and upon seeing her two daughters standing back in the street she yells, "wussses!" To which we then began following, determined to shake loose the term that had been laid on us. So here we are at 10 o'clock at night, clambering up rock piles, through concrete masses and construction debris, all the while trying to escape falling into the ten foot holes of doom that were seemingly everywhere. And then we stood in the dark while our mother-in-law described how a pile of rocks was eventually going to be her brand new home. At this point she walked around and eventually I told her that if she was going to make us trespass on this construction site, I at least wanted a picture of proof to show Jack when I next saw him. So she climbed this massive pile of rocks with this huge dozer sitting on top of it and leans against it, ready to pose. I tried taking a picture with my blackberry but it was so dark in the construction site that my flash did absolutely nothing but pick up on Chris' white jacket. 

and this is how a normal girls' night turned into an adventure lead by my crazy, lovable mother-in-law... ha, what a firecracker

a quiet place

recently, my mum and sister went for a visit to england to see my family. And now for some reason, ever since they left, all i can think about is my nanna's house. With it's familiar damp smell, a smell that might seem strange to others but to my siblings and I is a smell that comforts. We even go as far as to put our sweets and other small items in my nanna's cupboards while we're there so that the smell latches onto our items and we can go home with the smell. 

so in light of my sudden desire to hop on a plane and see my nanna and her home, I'm going to revisit some of my favourite things about her house.

- i love the thin carpets lining all the hallways and feeling the hard floor right beneath it. it's tradition when we're there that we have to walk on all the "bubbles" on the carpet. every single time.

- I love my Nanna's front bedroom where we stay. it's so grand and has a little sitting area with a mirror that reminds me of a 1920's dressing room. I love the big windows that each have a window seat. and my cousins and siblings would open the window and call out "welcome to new mexico" in the middle of the night during one of our sleepovers. with passwords and midnight snacks. that bedroom holds a lot of memories

- my nanna's living room is where we'd all get together to talk when we'd visit. I love the stools underneath the table covered in a red and white checkered tablecloth. i love eating nanna's toast with butter or coca pops for breakfast and sitting at that table watching the cartoons my nanna taped for us on the tv. Her phone and clock above the cupboards where she would keep the cakes and sweets she had bought for us. her tall blue chair and electric fireplace that she hangs her tea towels over when they're damp to dry. 

- the front room is my quiet place when I'm there. I love to sit on the window seat and peer through the sheer curtains and look at the people walking by. it's the room where you go to think and read a book... or practice dance routines with your cousins after you make band and change the lyrics to "Venga Bus." 

- the middle room or the green room is a room that isn't touched much. a fireplace and chairs line the walls with an amour near the front. and despite all these things in there, i can't say i remember any of us spending much time in there....which is why it makes such a great hiding spot when you play hide and seek. 

- and one of my other favourite places is my nanna's bedroom. simple, clean and neat. i never really go in there but I love to stand at the door and look at my nanna's shoes lined up in the corner. seeing the same hand cream my mum, sister and I use on my nanna's night table. 

this house holds so many of my childhood memories... even though i wasn't there for the majority of my childhood. my nanna's house is so quiet and peaceful, that when I'm there, i'm forced to be the same way and relax. which is probably why I've been constantly dreaming of being there for the last two months...